Exhaustion

My goal was to write weekly blogs…February came and went, and although I did indeed write, I couldn’t bring myself to hit “publish” at all that month. Nor during March.  Here we are in the second week of April and I am finally feeling the nudge to share what’s on my mind. I  admit to feeling a bit defeatist;  I have so much inside of me I wish to share.  So many insights and teachings and introspections I’m meant to release out into the world, and I often feel as though they fall on deaf ears…or never reach the full scope of their intended audience. 

Whether it’s substack or social media or direct emails–our society is so overwhelmed there isn’t the space or time to sit down, read, and take in new information–even if that information will support you in processing the current challenges of the world.  And this world is challenging.  Yesterday we all waited with bated breath, watching with our hands tied, as the fate of an entire culture, an entire people, and ultimately, the world at large hung in the balance of a most precarious set of scales.  It’s exhausting.  I am exhausted and I know you are as well.

A student of mine offered up this prompt, and I think it’s perfect and relevant: Being a Witch is a Full Time Job.

Monday I rededicated myself to certain morning practices that had fallen to the wayside–not because they were no longer needed or serving, but because of the Exhaustion.  I woke up earlier than my body wanted, dragged myself down to my altar in the pre-dawn darkness, and offered up Orphic hymns to Selene.  Tuesday morning I did the same for Mars.  This morning, for Hermes… tomorrow for Jupiter, Friday to Venus, and so on and on.  I forced myself out into nature, watched the sunrise, heard the birds chirruping their Dawn Chorus, and was brought back to myself alongside the gentle nickerings of horses.  This morning I walked through the Wooded Wetlands and was greeted by Rabbit, Crow, Turtle, and Hawk.  It felt auspicious.  It was auspicious.  I meditated by one of the ponds, letting my breath purify my body, transmuting months of stuck emotions lodged within my being, and I observed in stillness.  

Being a Witch is a full time job.  

It can’t really be tabled, or brushed aside for more convenient times–it is an ever present facet of my being.  If you’re a Witch, you know what I’m talking about.  It informs our thoughts, words, and deeds.  The way we perceive and move through the world.  How we react, and how we respond in situations both gentle and grating.  You’re never “off the clock”...and if you are?  You’re fooling yourself.  Either you aren’t inherently a Witch, or you aren’t really checking out, no matter how hard you try to dissociate.

Lately, the Exhaustion has led to dissociation whenever my full presence hasn’t been demanded of me.  Although I am always at my altar, working spells or petitions for myself or on behalf of others, teaching, or praying, I am admittedly not always devout in my acts of service to the Divine.  Life is strained and misaligned–even more so when I’m not in a consistent state of mystic reverence…(your mileage may vary, but I know what personally fuels me).  I am at my best when I am offering my gratitude and devotion to the Divine in all their aspects.  My power is sourced internally–I am capable of generating immensely focused energy, harnessing it, alchemizing it into my desired expression, and wielding it with precision.  This is what makes me a Witch.  And yet, I still have deep reverence for the Divine.  It inspires me, bolsters and emboldens me, and focuses me when times are disheartening.

When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Be it Mary or Athena, Hekate or the Cailleach, I find solace in Her presence.  Just as I find camaraderie and companionship with Hermes, Lucifer, and Jove.  They compel me to remember my own strength, and to embody it unapologetically.  My connection to Them, and ultimately to myself, is what carries me through the dark hours.  It is what allows me to not be afraid in those depths, or constantly seeking light–but to recognize it as an invitation to surrender, rest, and regenerate.  

Being a Witch is a full time job.  

Sometimes we get burnt out, sometimes we can hardly muster the bare minimum.  Sometimes we go through the motions with little heart investment, and sometimes we grapple with intense feelings of inadequacy or even imposter syndrome.  But we still show up to our altars, and most importantly, to ourselves.  Because the work is undeniable and the clarion call is loud and clear:  we cannot pretend to be that which we are not, and we cannot shirk that which we are intrinsically bound to do–infuse the mundane with the magical.  

Being a Witch is more than a full time job. It is existence itself.  

Earth my body, Water my blood, Air my breath, and Fire my Spirit. (lyrics: Maggie Clifford)

I invite you to treat it as such.  Undeniable.  Unequivocal.  Unapologetic.  The thread of magic courses through your veins and weaves through the fabric of reality, glimmering with whimsy and mystique.  When you have eyes to see and ears to hear, you cannot deny the wonder of it all.